Watch The Gunman trailer here.
Yesterday I acquired four passes to The Gunman starring Sean Penn. We headed down to Scotiabank Chinook theater and checked it out.
Ugh... brutal.
It was the typical "I want to play a James Bond-esque character" by Penn. The same spy/gunman story, the same woman with the exotic accent he chases, the same witty sidekick with a thick Scottish accent, blah blah blah.
Same... boring... movie.
I'd give a synopsis and break it down for you, but no. Not worth it. I wouldn't even click this on Netflix. It is the same movie re-done for the billionth time. All the same schticks. Think of it as a Taken 3 or another crappy Bourne movie with yet another actor trying to play the same Bourne.
Bad. Just bad.
So because I had a hard time taking this film seriously, I'd like to go over movie etiquette when you head out to the theater. I go to A LOT of advanced screenings and I have realized that some of the people (not all) that receive these screening tickets are people that have never been to a screening (or movie theather) before. It drives me crazy! For example, yesterday I sat beside a dude that brought his own candy in a plastic Safeway bag. That's fine, who cares. But he would eat a few, then play with the bag no-stop. Twisting it, closing it, giving it to his wife/girlfriend who put it away, then he'd grab it back a few minutes later and re-open it. Constantly! No awareness that he was in a movie beside someone trying to pay attention. After the third time, I just turned to him and stared. He got the point and stopped.
Then there was this dude behind us that got up to go to the washroom and banged every seat on his way out of the isle. I even saw him pulling back on chairs to get up. After he had his little pee break, he came back bumping every seat on the way back in. It's like he was falling down the isle! Then he sits down and his douchebag friend decides to fill him in on what he missed. No class.
Stupid person.
Then there are phone checkers. If you are at a screening, the ticket states "If you attempt to use a recording device, you consent to your immediate removal from the theatre and forfeiture of the device." Even before the movie starts the specifically tell you to turn off your phone. Not silent, off. Sometimes they don't even allow phones into the theater. I do loathe when they do that. Totally Nazi Germany. But it's the people that check their phones DURING the screening that blow my mind. Once again, just stupid. If you are in my proximity and you check your phone, you can expect... 1. A Skittle or peanut M&M (tossed by me) to bean you really hard in the head. 2. Popcorn to rain down on you. 3. A hard swift kick to your chair. 4. Me grabbing your seat and shaking it really hard and saying "turn off your gawd damn phone!" I have yet to get sass from a person on their phone. If I ever do, I am waiting for the day I grab their phone and toss it down the isle to the front of the theater. That'll be fun!
Some people treat the theater like it's their living room. I've seen people take off their shoes and socks and stretch out. Seriously?! Many times before the movie starts people will play games or vids on their phones with the volume up. Go ahead, we ALL want to listen to that. Some people commentate throughout the movie talking to their friend about everything in the movie. I have ZERO tolerance for this and will promptly ask you to "shut the fuck up." You get the odd fidgeters too. This one guy once was in front of me and rocking like a mad-man before the movie started. I had my foot crossed sitting on my knee and he rocked so hard he kicked himself in the head with my foot! I had my moto boots on so it must have hurt. I actually laughed out loud and said "Ha! You just kicked yourself in the head!" He said "I have a tough head." He stopped rocking.
What the group of people that attend advanced screenings sometimes feel like.
Another amazing group of people are the late comers. At screenings it says on the ticket "ARRIVE EARLY! SEATING IS FIRST-COME, FIRST-SERVED, EXCEPT FOR MEMBERS OF THE REVIEWING PRESS. THIS TICKET DOES NOT GUARANTEE YOU A SEAT! THEATRE IS OVERBOOKED TO ENSURE A FULL HOUSE. THEATRE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OVERBOOKING." But you still get the geniuses that show up five minutes before and are amazed how full it is. Some even have their hands full of popcorn, pop, candy, and don't even have a seat yet! Then they ask people that did arrive early and prepare to move over or make room for them. Stupid. Some people get upset and leave, which is funny to watch.
Speaking of popcorn and food, some people have a full meal in the theater. Nachos, hot dogs, popcorn, candy, 2L of pop. I've seen a lady alone eat all of that in one sitting, BEFORE the movie! Dipping her hot dog into the nacho cheese! AMAZING!
Don't get me wrong, I do love people watching, but I realize that some of these people that get these tickets are flat out braindead. No class, no respect, and soo self-absorbed. You are not at home. It blows my mind the sheer ignorance. I'm sure themselves as individuals are better than that, but the movie going experience brings out a whole new breed of stupid in people. I think I am annoyed with moviegoers as well because my very first job was at a theater as a doorman and I dealt with a lot of dumb people... A LOT of dumb people. Plus I enjoying watching movies and nothing is more annoying than someone involved in themselves, ruining it.
So friends, when you do go to a movie, turn your phone off and be aware that you are not in your living room and out in public. Common sense. That is all.
Oh and skip The Gunman. It's really bad.
